July 21 2023
I'm not sure what to write about first, but I'll start off with this.
I feel like every bad thing - whether it be a minor convenience or something awful - that happens to me is a punishment. It could be a punishment for something I said, something I did, or something I thought. For example, say I express my annoyance at (I'm very sorry to constantly be talking about these things, but they are good examples for what I believe I get punished for) e-girls or the "laincore" aesthetic (Serial Experiments Lain itself is alright). Any minor inconvenience that happens to me afterwards, I believe its a punishment for me expressing my annoyance.
Two stupid things happened today. I broke my phone after washing it because I have this compulsion where I have to clean whatever I bring home from work, including my phone and what not. This time, I fucked up and now my phone is not working like how it should, so I'll have to get a replacement tomorrow. I also kept messing around with my microphone and kept making loud noises, and you know what stupid shit I did? I put it in my MOUTH and started to make noises. Eventually, it got screwed up, so I'll probably need a replacement headset. It's alright, I can afford it. I feel like those two things were punishments.
I also feel like no one on neocities would like me if they read my journal entries. I feel like they would be put off by how I dislike e-girls and "-core" aesthetics. I've probably already talked about this before in another entry. Hey, I'm pretty sure I saw some other journal entry from another person on neocities complaining about "-core" shit, so I guess I'm not alone. I think that was on multiverse, actually. They were probably more nicer about it, though. I'm just close-minded, probably.
I felt like I wasn't allowed to enjoy Guts' theme because of my negative opinions on what I mentioned here in this entry. I feel so stupid for breaking those two things. I think I'm feeling a certain way right now, but I can't describe it. I don't think it's a nice feeling, it's kind of sad.