April 5 2023 - 03
I saw the upload date of a video that I like. It was March 16 2012, eleven years ago. Eleven years ago. Damn, dude. I don't know how to describe it, but eleven years? Already? I was 8 years old, a.k.a. happier. Yeah. I had my cat, too. I can't put into words how I feel about that phrase; eleven years ago. Here's the video by the way: go to bed
I felt dumb earlier while thinking about how I just do not like today's trends or whatever, can't describe it. The internet seems dumb and lame now. E-girls and e-boys, wojaks, anime memes, whatever. I'm not a fan of any of it. Anime itself is fine. Oh yeah, and also whenever I see some comment section where somebody comments about how positive the comment section is. That irks me too, but maybe that's because it reminds me of "wholesomeness" or something? I just know that someone would ridicule me for all of this and find me "toxic" or whatever.
Not to mention the new breakcore-type people (what a crazy sounding phrase). Breakcore itself is fine, I may listen to it, but damn there's just something about the community or whatever, I don't know. I probably sound crazy, talking about how it's like I "sense" something from it all; breakcore + Serial Experiments Lain + weirdcore + whatever. It sounds ridiculous, does it? I can imagine someone reading this and looking down on me and having some negative opinion on me and what I just wrote here. Somebody must sympathize with these sentiments, right?
Man, it makes me kinda worried about reincarnation. If I reincarnate and end up growing up to be someone who's "in" all that... or if I grow up to be something like a Gen-Z kid, or whatever stereotype may be popular in the time I reincarnate into... no. IF you're like that, you're fine, go ahead.
Do I even change? This sounds almost like my old journal entries from long, long ago. This sounds more like a rant.
Maybe all these people who enjoy these new -core things and what not are just more open-minded and I'm a close-minded old man hating on what's new. I must sound like someone that people wouldn't want to hang out with or whatever, but I feel doubtful of that. A thought popped into my head when I wrote that I feel doubtful of people not wanting to hang out with me. That thought was that I am maybe narcissistic, for lack of a better term. Now, I think there's something wrong with that, I think. I am not faking this.
But let's not talk about all that now (well I already wrote paragraphs on it), maybe it's better to focus on something else, something more positive? I think I just wanna go back to those simpler times. I think I remember so much about the past, but maybe everyone remembers a lot. I was so, so, so lucky to have been born into who I am - for 16 years. Then "it" happened.
But before that, it was all perfect and I believe I was incredibly lucky. As I have said before, it was like I won the lottery of life. I was born with a GameCube, a Playstation 2, a Wii, and I was born to find incredible music. Those consoles, I cherish. They were a good part of the past for me. I could've easily become a stereotypical Gen-Z kid, yet that didn't happen. It's not "bad" to be that kind of kid, but I am glad that I became otherwise.
But, it's a bit difficult to enjoy all of those things about myself when I always feel stupid and because of what happened. It overshadows everything about me. It's like I cannot be myself. I can enjoy things, yeah, but I don't know if it's exactly the same as how it used to be. I definitely can't dislike and be annoyed with things without feeling like a moron. My mind tells me that maybe the reason I don't enjoy "x" thing is because I'm dumb, and the people who do enjoy it are just more intelligent.
Somebody walked into the room and turned the lights on. They said "don't sit in here with the lights off" and it annoyed me, BUT, I feel dumb for that. I know that that's probably a stupid reaction. I guess it was just the way they said it? I don't know.