April 2 2023

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I was looking at neocities sites and I found the site of someone who makes music. I listened to some of it and I felt bad about myself; I don’t make music anymore.

Sure, I could simply just start again, but it feels like I’ve lost my creativity and can’t come up with anything. I think me making music felt kind of like a chunk of myself, a part of my identity, but now it’s lost.

I also got a bit annoyed with some things on some sites, and that always makes me feel stupid. Stupid for not liking some things. It’s like I believe that others are just smarter for liking those things.

I’ll always feel dumb for being annoyed at how autism is considered to be a meme (it doesn’t “offend” me, just dumb if you ask me) and how people use words like “based”. I’m guilty of using that word, though. I think part of me feels like the internet kinda sucks now, with respect to today’s memes, slang, and what not, but I don’t know.

I haven’t been thinking about the afterlife a lot lately, not deeply, at least. I used to feel like wanting to just move on to the afterlife.

I used to want to reincarnate and be someone else, but now I know that reincarnating into someone would mean completely losing myself. No offense, but there are certain kinds of people that I do not want to be. An example would be a Gen-Z kid who listens to rap, says stuff like “bruh, cap, on god, goes hard, hits different” and has that haircut that EVERY teenage boy nowadays has.

It’s not “bad” to be that, but I don’t want to be that. I’d rather stay me with my own sense of humor and my likes and dislikes. If reincarnation is real, maybe we keep parts of ourselves in our next lives?

Anyways, yeah, it’s like I’m always gonna feel dumb for something and that others are just more intelligent.